Don’t Let Yourself be Gaslit About School This Fall: The Sky is Definitely Falling

We are in opposite world. Everyone knows the story of Henny Penny, the chicken who ran around crying, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” Poor Chicken Little was afraid of everything.

In 2020 Pandemic World, some of us are afraid, not just of the virus, but of the economic, educational, and emotional and mental health fallout. Others are not afraid at all, not only not feeling the fear, but eschewing those things that will help keep the virus at bay, namely, social distancing and mask wearing.

It seems our national leaders want us to get back to normal, whatever that is. They keep yelling, “The sky is not falling! The sky is not falling.” And yet when many of us look around, we see great big chunks of sky falling. Opposite world.

Let’s take stock of where we are right now. We have been living with this pandemic in the United States since late February (it was likely here earlier, but, inexplicably, our government was caught off guard). By late March, epidemiologists announced that community spread was occurring in some western coastal states.

Schools and businesses across the country began closing and switched to remote work. We quickly learned about social distancing and contact tracing, were told we didn’t need masks, then told to wear masks.

Within weeks, New York City became the world-wide epicenter of Covid-19, with hospitals overwhelmed and the death rate climbing. Throughout New York state, we did what we were asked (for the most part), and we were able to flatten the curve. We learned a lot.

Fast-forward through summer, everyone desperate for a sense of normal. Bars and restaurants opening. Families traveling. In some areas of the country, huge gatherings, with people often unmasked.

Here were are in mid-August with over 5 million Covid-19 cases in the US, approaching 170,000 deaths. We learned a lot from the experience in New York state, but we did not digest that knowledge. We leaned back, toward normal, to great consequence.

Here is what Dr. Fauci, the nation's top infectious disease expert says, "I say, you want to open your schools? Get out of the red. Do what you need to do. Close the bars ... wear your masks."

In some parts of the US, schools have opened, only to have outbreaks of the virus begin immediately, forcing students and teachers into quarantine. The President of the US has said that kids “don’t get very sick” from Covid-19 and implied that they don’t spread it, though new studies have shown that over 100,000 kids have contracted the virus.

Major sports leagues like the NHL, NBA, and MLB have access to thousands of virus tests, with players and support staff getting tested daily, while in parts of the country, people are waiting days if not weeks for results.

We have no national testing plan, no national mask mandate, and each state is managing their own testing and tracing, some much better than others.

Meanwhile, we see other countries outshine the US in their response, getting ahead of the pandemic with extensive testing, tracing, and quarantining.

We are told the sky is not falling, but let me assure you, the sky is falling.

In the U.S. there is no national leadership to this pandemic. Hundreds of thousands of people are dying. Millions are sick. Millions are out of work, looking at eviction or foreclosure. Millions are without healthcare.

Do not let the federal government gaslight you into believing that everything is just fine. And gaslighting is exactly what is happening.

The President is insisting schools reopen without any real safety precautions in place, forcing students and school staff into unsafe environments. Colleges that have decided to have students back on campus are experiencing outbreaks. Schools that have already begun are backtracking after experiencing new cases. The President is insisting college football begin, no matter that the players lives will be in jeopardy. Millions of people are unemployed and Congress went on vacation with no stimulus deal.

The sky is falling.

Rather than having a clear national rubric for opening schools, the federal department of Education has left it up to states. States are pushing the decision to local school districts. Superintendents and principals are overwhelmed with the decision, one they don’t have the tools to make because they are not in control of local laws or enforcement. We have heard from many school officials who say it just isn’t safe to open schools. And yet, the President insists.

The gaslighting of America. The insistence that the sky is not falling when the sky is clearly falling.

There are so many issues right now swirling around the education of our children. I really just want you to take a moment to sit with this heaviness . . . This feeling that there are no good answers and that we just don’t know what to do.

Allow yourself to really feel the gravity of this time and place.

Let’s not turn away from the fear, the uncertainty.

What we have control of right now is our own awareness of what we are feeling. Gaslighting requires participation of the one who is gaslit. In order to be gaslight you must ignore your sense experience. You must turn away from yourself. You must pretend that you are not feeling what you are feeling.

Here is where you have a choice.

What we are experiencing is not normal. Nothing about this time is normal
We are all so busy trying to get back to a sense of normal that we are avoiding what our reality is. It is human nature to want to return to normal - to work toward a sense of homeostasis, but we must really drop into what we know:

We don’t feel safe.

Teachers don’t fee safe.

Children don’t feel safe.

Parents don’t feel safe.

The only thing that has changed since March is that we now have over 5 million cases of the virus, and nearly 170,000 dead. We have no plan. We have no safety net. We have no way to keep students, teachers, and staff safe. So why are we rushing back to school? Why are we intentionally putting people in harms way?

This is not the American way. We should be fighting to take care of our hard working school employees. We should be showing our children how we create safety. Throwing them all into the pot of boiling water and calling it safe doesn’t do it.

In Buddhism, we talk about how we deal with suffering and this idea of staying with present moment experience. The human brain wants to face difficulty with either aversion - get me away from this - or attachment - I need it to be this way right now.

What we see happening all around us is aversion and attachment playing out before out eyes. Watch the people walking around with no masks, as if nothing is happening. Attachment and aversion. That is all it is.

So let’s understand the environment in which we are making this decision.

We all need schools so that we can feel normal. As a society, we can’t imagine our economic system moving forward without schools. And yet, it isn’t safe to open schools at this time. This is where we are.

So, if you are feeling the pit in your stomach, waking in the middle of the night in a panic, feeling especially nervous about your kids and their safety, IT IS REAL. Let yourself lean into this. Do not shut it down. You are reacting appropriately to a difficult situation.

Do not be gaslit.

This is painful. This is uncertain. The is hard. It feels awful to not have true leadership. It is crazy-making to hear officials tell our kids and school staff, “Go to school.” What have they done to make us safe? Have they done their jobs? No. No they have not.

Certainty does not exist right now.

But that doesn’t mean that our need for certainty is suddenly gone. We all feel like we need a sense of certainty! It is really a very human desire.

How do we learn to live with that sense of uncertainty and create some ground underneath us?

We begin by remembering and connecting with the things we are still certain of:

Your child is deeply loved by you. You are creating a loving, caring environment in your home and your family.

You are in charge of what happens with your child’s education.

You have the right to make the choice that is right for you.

You have the right to change you decision at any time.

Stay with an embodied sense of what is happening. Do not turn away from the pit in the stomach, the aching shoulders, the headache that won’t go away. Self-compassion means facing what is really happening in a loving and kind way. That does not mean to push through. This means stay with it even though it is difficult. Stay with it because it is difficult.

Place a hand over your heart and feel your feet on the ground. Breathe. Bring your children to your mind’s eye. Create the safety you need in your own home. Turn toward the ones you love. Turn toward your community (at a safe distance). Turn toward yourself.